Control Freak

My friend today is seeking an emotional comfort to me. She has an ex-girlfriend who is still not over with her (yes they are gay). Lets call this friend as CumLaude and this bitter girl is RiseFromTheDead. They are both highschool sweethearts and nobody knows it. They have different world than others. They are perfect for each other, they can live without friends. Well, thats how I imagine them when they were before telling me about their story. They are so deeply inlove that they can forgive each others flaws in different angle until year 2016. CumLaude decided to finally broke up with RiseFromTheDead after many repeated fights. CumLaude as i have known is very shy and smart, she is very nice and very thoughtful. She cooks well and she has a very nice smile. She is a morena complexion big sexy eyes, slim nose and with thin lips. She is a daughter of a strong government official in her town. Despite to all her goods there are some bad ones. When shes stressed out she goes self pitty, she easily falls inlove and this has always been an issue with RiseFromTheDead.

To be continued—

Pause & Listen

"Pause & Listen To Your Surroundings" this is what I told to my boss when she went to her deepest and saddest part in her life. I know and I felt all her emotions because I am a shock absorber, an empath. I have the ability of a man where I can think straight in combination of a woman's ability to stay calm in a situation.

Yesterday I read a blog of a woman in pain. Like a dying pain and it tucked to my bones. Her story gave me a light outside a bulb that there is always somebody who are much more in great sorrow and pain than you. There are more things you can do, more things you can feel and share. I told my boss her story and somehow she get up while crying. She said "I am crying because I am happy and sad at the same time." I didn't dwell on her emotions anymore because there are so much stuff in my luggage that my brain voluntarily just wont accept all her revelations.

I got little time to write, only when I am on my way to work.

Shitty Bastard

How could anybody become so rubbish and an asshole at the same time? I am agitated right now because TheMan is acting SuperMan and he has the nerve to get mad to somebody he owe so much. He is full of day dream and illusions no one can imagine. He is very good in doing reverse phycology to someone who is weak. He does not accept acceptance and he does not know when to use apology time system.

My mind is blown away to my debts in bank but TheMan is the worst. The more I write shitty things about him makes me become more aware of his shitty ass.

Millions Of Money

How does money really change our lives? It changes everything. If you have money you can buy friends. I mean indirectly. You can be friendly at first, show them some respect, give them a piece of your charm, and magic stuff. You know magic? The magic when you buy then some drinks, treat them on a cozy fine dining restaurant, order a buy 1 take 1 pizza on their doorstep, drag them to an eat all you can restaurant, take them to some leisure parks and malls and buy them something they cant afford. That's when magic is happening, first they start thinking about how nice you are, how cool you are, how awesome you are and how they keep wondering where did you get all those money. They will start thinking how you can help them, they will idolize you and sometimes they would ask how did you do it. They will f*ckn follow you like dogs because you have the power to dominate.

Why am I saying these stuffs? Am I stressed? Or jealous? Or pissed off?

Tik tok, tik tok, tik tok…. these are footsteps I hear after I get out of the train. Imagine a hundred of these footsteps. Like a marching robots in the city working for money. Sometimes I wish time was money.

In a big city where I am destined, everyday Is the same. Sometimes I don't like seeing my reflection on glass windows, I see myself as a normal person with average life and the harsh truth about it coz its true. A short, fatty lady with no sex appeal.

The only cool thing I have is my sometimes unreliable skills.

I declared today, my lazy day.

When I, well where should I start? Of course when I woke up. I cooked something for breakfast and of course i have to patronized it.

As I was thinking about things that happened to me for quite almost a year -this guy that I trusted with my career was an asshole. Let me find a code name for him …..(thinking, thinking….) maybe I should call him the idiot, naah…… that will be too harsh, maybe mr. strange? Nope thats not what he really portrays as I describe him today…… He is a modern scammer and he likes to tell the world that he is awesome and great (though he isn't duhhh…!) Okay this is hard, maybe I will call him TheMan whole through out this silly paranoia of mine.

Don't worry (I am talking to myself) he is not the main character here its me this is my kingdom right? A kingdom of my own pathetic life.

Screw it, i want to atleast write.

The word vegabond keep rotating in my head si ce this morning. I was really busy today but i really have small progress-f*ck why? What did I do the whole morning?

The hell with my fonts they look so formal.

In my mind another me is telling me to create a category for this write up. Maybe i shall call this new category as “Whats going on” no or maybe “what’s up” or maybe “in my head” sounds better, pause f*ck i need a freaking help about this. Don’ worry I can do this by myself.

This has always been my hobby. The what?

i just got feel sleepy right now, after all the chitchats whole afternoon and problemstorming… -end

hELLO wORLD, i am newly born.

I want to tell the world, what is happening to me. I am like no other; we all know that even in our lives we dont even know who we are, what we are, what we are capable of and all sort of things like this, and that.

This blog is only intended for me, it helps me feel better this way. Not even my most loved one know exactly who am I.  I am sitting in my chair in our office and i feel most of the time cold and angry – chaotic mind. Maybe this is the effect of our society specially living in a country where I live now- where men declare themselves as Gods.